Patience

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:21-22

Today was one of those days that had me reaching for my Bible; something I am ashamed to say I do not do often enough. I prayed for wisdom and guidance, and this section of Matthew is what appeared. It took careful though and meditation to figure out how this was applicable. How do these verses apply to my life today? Then I remembered, I have been praying for greater patience. 

I have heard His voice every night for the last two weeks when my 28 weeks pregnant butt would get irritated at being squished into a toddler bed, because suddenly L can not sleep without me. I have been unable to move or change position, because she gets quite comfortable and so close I SWEAR she is trying to climb back inside to meet her little sister. But I have ignored the quiet blessing of this sweet baby's love and the peaceful voice in my head. 

I have heard His voice with B, and when she wants to do this or that, and it goes totally against our regular schedule. And I ignored it. 

I have heard his voice so many times this last week; as L tore apart 3 rooms while I struggled to clean one, when she thought the baby monitor could swim in the toilet (sadly, it drowned), when she figured out how to open a medicine bottle, and pored her antibiotic all over herself and her car seat, when she dumped finger nail polish all over herself and my mattress, when she threw the glass jar from the shopping cart and it shattered all across the store isle, when she tore the library book into a billion pieces, when B wanted to trick or treat until every house was closed and started mouthing off because it was late, when nothing I did seemed to make her happy, when I had to give the same directions a thousand times, when asking her to help do a few chores made me THE WORST MOM EVER... (yes, all that in the last 7 days)

I have heard His voice and yet I ignored it. But every night, as I have curled my frazzled, sore, tired self into an uncomfortable ball/pillow for L, I pray for patience.     

Today, I tried something new, and had a friend teach me how to drive a standard car. My prayer was patience with myself. "Please Dear Lord, help me over come my fear and my feeling of incompetence. I can do all things with you, even when I don't think I am capable. Show me I am." 

And He did. And I heard Him.  

He answers our prayers said in faith, although not always how we expect. He has been giving me opportunities to practice and use patience. I have ignored them; choosing instead to become angry and frazzled.

So tonight as I pray for patience, I am thankful for faith strong enough to move mountains. And tomorrow I will be thankful for each opportunity I get to become a better, more patient Mom.