What about oils?

I am going to start this post with a disclaimer. *** I AM NOT (yet) A DOTERRA CONSULTANT*** please take what I am about to post as an honest accounting of a desperate mom. 

L has been sick for what seems like the over the last month straight. This poor baby gets sick more often than any other child I know, despite still breast feeding and making sure she eats a very healthy diet. She has done 15 days of antibiotics, days on end of 102-103 degree fevers, coughing, wheezing, and sleepless nights... you name it this child has gone through it. Finally the other day she broke out in this HORRIFIC diaper rash with huge blisters all over her skin. We have been to her pediatrician more times that I can say, always with the same response... "its some kind of baby virus," "some kids just have low immune systems," "there is nothing you can really do to make it better." *Eye roll*

I usually go for natural remedies first, but poor L has been SO sick, I really just wanted to get it taken care of. My mistake. After our the last round of "I don't knows" and being given a host of new medications to try... non of which we were sure would work... I started looking for answers on my own.

I was told to try this stuff called On Guard by a friend of mine a while ago. We have used it on and off for a couple months, and I am not sure why I did not think to use it as soon as L started getting sick this time. Sure enough, not long after I started using it again her fever broke, and we have gone almost two days without spiking another one. 

I have also been using a blend called breath the last few nights, and we have gone from up all night coughing and wheezing to only waking up once or twice again, and I did not have to use her nebulizer at all last night. 

Finally, yesterday another friend of mine gave me some lavender oil for the rash. I have used a little at every diaper change, as well as put some fresh on every few house at home (L has been diaper less as often as possible to help clear the rash). A day later and it looks 75% better. This after I have been pulling my hair out trying everything. 

I am impressed. I am happy my baby is on the way to being happy again. I am relieved. I am frustrated with our pediatrician. 

My encouragement to all the mommies out there... go with your gut. You can do more to help your family be healthy and strong than you even realize. 

 

Out of control

This is a story that is hard to tell, but I really feel it needs telling. It is the story of how little L saved me (literally), and how I still struggle.

I was always the fat kid growing up... not just pudgy, FAT. Like 200lbs by the time I was 10 years old fat. I was the kid you see on talk shows and ask, "How could their parents do that to them?" Unfortunately, both my parents are gone, so that is a conversation we were never able to have.

Then middle school happened, and 12 year old girls are vicious. I stopped eating. Made since at the time. I was getting skinny! Lost 50lbs in 6months, and could actually shop in normal stores. Other kids actually started talking to me! Oh joy! I also started having dizzy/black out spells and not able to focus/function. My mom finally started to notice something was not right. But I could not give up my new found skinni(ish)ness. At the time my life felt like it was spiraling out of control, this is the one thing that was MINE. I chose what I was or was not going to eat, how hard I was going to work out, and I would rather die than go back to being the old "fat" me. So I thought. Looking back now, I want to smack that girl. 12/13year olds are so completely irrational, its frightening.

When my mom started paying attention is when I started to get really sneaky. Instead of not eat, I would eat then make my self throw up. At the time I had no idea there were clinical words for what I was doing. Anorexia and Bulimia were not in my vocabulary. I was doing what I had to do to keep my control. Only, I was losing it... bad. I will not bore you with the hell the next 10ish years brought, but it was not pretty. The eating disorders drug me into a depression, and the harder I fought to maintain control the farther out of it I got.

In 2010 I had had enough. I started searching and found an out patient treatment program to start my path to healing. About half way through the program it became cost and scheduling prohibitive. It was not easy to give up that safe environment, but it was a start. For the next year I bounced between good and bad times, and then I became pregnant. Oh the emotions that brought on. The further along and bigger I got, the more out of control I felt. It was probably one of the scariest times of my life. Morning sickness made me feel guilty because I would wonder if it was real or a subconscious relapse, cravings and the intense huger drove me crazy... then, when I really started feeling those first few kicks, something clicked. My body was creating life. My actions and choices would effect this little life forever. How could I hate something so wonderful, and how could I actively choose to hurt someone I already loved so much? Control over my thoughts and behaviors became more important that control over a number on the scale. And I started to hate myself a little less.

I am not going to lie, pregnancy was one of the hardest times for me emotionally. I did not really understand how messed up my mind was about food and fitness until something took greater priority. I would not allow my doctor to discuss weight with me or tell me how much I gained because I was so afraid it would trigger something inside me. I am ashamed to admit I fell so deep into an illness.

Now, with baby number 2, I find myself still struggling. I am so disappointed in myself. I though I had come to a place of peace with my body. I created life, I nourished a baby (still am, 18 months later), my body is freaking AMAZING thank you... stretch marks and all. Except its getting bigger... and I look in the mirror and still hear that voice, the one that says you are fat and ugly, and every other pregnant girl in the world looks cute while I just look like a fat bloated mess. Yes, my voice even tells me I can't do fat right.

While the behaviors are easier to control and the voice is a little dimmer this time around, it still makes me sad to know its there. I managed to lose all my baby weight plus 20lbs within a year of giving birth to "L". I did not crash diet or do anything extreme, just nursed, watched what I ate, and did light exercise. It was probably the healthiest I have ever been, or so I thought.

I will not go back into that dark place I once was, and I owe little L so much for helping me gain a new respect for myself and all my imperfections. I guess that is why it is so disappointing that these issues, at least the emotional part, are still lurking in the back of my head.

What is the hardest part about pregnancy for you? How did you overcome your struggles?

 

Patience

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:21-22

Today was one of those days that had me reaching for my Bible; something I am ashamed to say I do not do often enough. I prayed for wisdom and guidance, and this section of Matthew is what appeared. It took careful though and meditation to figure out how this was applicable. How do these verses apply to my life today? Then I remembered, I have been praying for greater patience. 

I have heard His voice every night for the last two weeks when my 28 weeks pregnant butt would get irritated at being squished into a toddler bed, because suddenly L can not sleep without me. I have been unable to move or change position, because she gets quite comfortable and so close I SWEAR she is trying to climb back inside to meet her little sister. But I have ignored the quiet blessing of this sweet baby's love and the peaceful voice in my head. 

I have heard His voice with B, and when she wants to do this or that, and it goes totally against our regular schedule. And I ignored it. 

I have heard his voice so many times this last week; as L tore apart 3 rooms while I struggled to clean one, when she thought the baby monitor could swim in the toilet (sadly, it drowned), when she figured out how to open a medicine bottle, and pored her antibiotic all over herself and her car seat, when she dumped finger nail polish all over herself and my mattress, when she threw the glass jar from the shopping cart and it shattered all across the store isle, when she tore the library book into a billion pieces, when B wanted to trick or treat until every house was closed and started mouthing off because it was late, when nothing I did seemed to make her happy, when I had to give the same directions a thousand times, when asking her to help do a few chores made me THE WORST MOM EVER... (yes, all that in the last 7 days)

I have heard His voice and yet I ignored it. But every night, as I have curled my frazzled, sore, tired self into an uncomfortable ball/pillow for L, I pray for patience.     

Today, I tried something new, and had a friend teach me how to drive a standard car. My prayer was patience with myself. "Please Dear Lord, help me over come my fear and my feeling of incompetence. I can do all things with you, even when I don't think I am capable. Show me I am." 

And He did. And I heard Him.  

He answers our prayers said in faith, although not always how we expect. He has been giving me opportunities to practice and use patience. I have ignored them; choosing instead to become angry and frazzled.

So tonight as I pray for patience, I am thankful for faith strong enough to move mountains. And tomorrow I will be thankful for each opportunity I get to become a better, more patient Mom.